Stop Wishing; Take Action

I wasn’t planning on writing again so soon, but something miraculous just happened and I need to write about it while all of the emotions are still fresh.

I’ve slowly but surely been watching every movie Emma Stone has appeared in and last night it was time for Irrational Man. Surprisingly, I really liked it (I haven’t liked Woody Allen in the past). One of the main points of the movie is that you can’t just wish for something to happen; you have to take action.

So with that in the back of my mind, I sat down this afternoon and wrote the most heartfelt and honest letter of my life. I was only half serious about sending it. Until Facebook automatically sent it after I selected it from my files.

The purpose of this letter was to explain why I’ve approached a certain friendship the way I have for so long. I had wanted to explain this face to face for about 6 years, but the opportunity (and courage) never arose.

During those 6 years I had fantasized about how it would all go down. Next time we hang out, I’m just going to come right out and say it as soon as we get in the car (so I don’t lose my nerve). And after every outing, I would return home disappointed in myself for not bringing it up. But I would keep wishing that maybe it would come up organically. Maybe it would just come up in conversation during one of our 2 outings a year. Maybe she would text me one day and it would just feel like the right time to share.

But today, I stopped wishing and took action.

I don’t even remember how that blank page got opened and how I started spilling my guts. All of a sudden, I just was. And just as quickly, it was sent.

I was, of course, hoping for the best case scenario, but steeling myself for no response.

I left my phone in the kitchen and went to my room to distract myself. That alone was strange. I never leave my phone in another room, especially when there’s a chance that I could be getting a text or call.

10 minutes later, I returned to the kitchen and glanced at my phone–the blue light wasn’t blinking, which meant no response. But I noticed an extra icon below the time.

It was the Messenger icon.

She responded.

I unlocked my phone and, in no big hurry, checked my messages, like this was just my dad saying he was on his way home.

I couldn’t even comprehend what I was reading. I think I got half way through before I realized this was the best case scenario. It happened.

I literally fell to the floor and just started sobbing. I couldn’t believe that what I had wished for for so long was finally coming true.

All I could muster for a response was “Oh my god, you have no idea–I’m literally sobbing right now! THANK YOU SO MUCH!” I felt like a blubbering idiot.

But I did it. I stopped wishing, took action and got exactly what I wanted.

I feel invigorated and motivated! I can get whatever I want if I do something instead of relying on wishing.

That’s all!

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Story Time

I don’t know why, but it feels weird to be writing in this space again.

I’ve been writing a lot lately in more of a story format. I use what I’m experiencing in the moment (sights, sounds, feelings, etc.) and create what I imagine would be background for characters in a story. The thing that bothers me is that there’s really only one character: me. Because I’m using everything around me, I decided to just let it fly and embrace the fact that it’s extremely personal. So far, I haven’t changed any details. I am literally just writing my life in a book format.

That terrifies me a little bit, because I feel like if I continue with it and it evolves into some kind of narrative, I’m going to be too attached to change things around and make it less personal. But at the same time, I would never let anyone read it the way it is because it is so personal.

It also terrifies me because it’s making me think a lot. And I don’t have a great history with thinking a lot. It feels like something that could lead me down a rabbit hole. But it also feels like something that could help me uncover my potential.

So, as I mentioned, I’ve decided to just embrace it and cherish it as something just for me.

I realized that I really like writing in that format, though. And if nothing else, it’s good practice.

There are so many other things going on right now, and I would love to catch you up, but I just felt like this was important to get out of the way first. I hope that in the coming weeks I will be able to find some time and motivation to tell you about everything!

But if not, Happy Spring, Happy Earth Day, Happy April, Happy May, and Happy Friday!

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(P.S. La La Land comes out on DVD next week! I’ve been abstaining (from watching the movie/clips–can’t give up the music), so, hopefully, when I watch it again on Tuesday it will be just as magical as the first time! #morethananobsession)